jangled in june as some sultry swallow
sang across a wasteland of broken buildings--

they expand and collapse
when you open and close your hands,

and the sound juxtaposed with the solo bird
is more captivating than all of the i-don't-knows and oh-yeahs of jazz...

i folded and relapsed the jail as the broken pieces inside
shifted weight and moved with your hands, as if to fly away.

ALL ASH

It burns, everything scorched inside
a floating crystal, under neurons
shipping commas to the brain
a complex cortex encoded in catlike
quick reflexes, ready to switch
on or off or off or on again

fiery death in the arms of icy skin
shattered glass arranged together in two
possible shapes-a lung and a liver

the light the idea the spark the flame
don't breathe too fast or your memories
will flood polarity rewriting pictures
letting the legions of past what-ifs
haunt you behind closed and open eye alike

they both take turns in slow shifts
and put themselves out on your skin




THE BURNING

it started when you kissed me, trying to steal
something you thought i had.
its limbs held me and its branches turned outside in
some sin you thought i was.

it was my rebirth, roots rooting soil of earth,
and i burned for you every minute.
running through clouds
stumbling through drugs
working out words of works
so that you'd notice
the guy
that guy
i am.

waiting nearly killed me--
it wasn't the fire at all,
so i got out while i could
still breathe in lucid fits trying
to regain stagnant sanity

lifting leaflets of teatree maintenance
that if not cared for turn into teartrees
embracing veins and arteries
hugging like a lover
rooted in the heart
lost in a hedgemaze.

flayed like a lover
lost in a teacup
rooted in my own personal hell where i discovered
i had hatched from the black egg,
grown into a skinless inverted phoenix
unraveling nervous ticks
to puzzle pieces together
in any order that fits
just so i could get the story straight.

and i still burn with beauty
because i don't find it, it finds me.

i hope it finds you again at night
in the way streetlights smack branches,
or in the movement of the being i will become
as i snatch the world in cold coils
and devour it whole.

just like everyone else.

and i still burn leaving you and the moon
to battle it out,
the fight for fertility
has no utility
after it is beaten into the ground
the cycle starts anew
used and rehashed
until the sound of fire silences all.

and i still burn.

It always creeps up on you from behind. Cautiously lifting back bushes in September, I saw it first, and slowly backed away. I thought I had seen it lurking in the canopy past some yellowed leaves, and of course I desired it; its something you can't fight; that's why I had stepped off the road into the woods. It was the onset of night, and the sky made trees black against orange and greenish-blue. It made me hope for the first cold and the colored leaves; It also made me hope for death.
I walked back to the street through the small forest and looked up, waiting for it to uncoil across the sky. Smelling leaves and earth in the air, I turned to face the dark woods and saw it up high in the branches. It couldn't speak, and I could feel its gaze through a dark chill in the air. A ghost it was, the first hint of October setting a northern wind in the air that told the trees-time to shift asleep. The yellow leaves stood out because of the high contrast so I could always notice them first in the dark, the signs at the end of summer that point towards scarlet and pumpkins.

...

We'll see where it goes...

What

is having sex.
is the sun and dead stars, creating everything out of hydrogen long ago.
is the idea that we are all alive and we do share bonds because we all come from the same place if you go back far enough.
is time.
is all of us, sleeping a part of the same being moving through an uncharted dimension together that we can't see.

My Great-Grandmother passed away yesterday. She was 98.

I feel bad about not going to see her over the past couple of weeks. I did it because I wanted to remember her as I do now, in her house with the creek in back and as a woman who snuck out to buy lottery tickets when she wasn't supposed to be driving in her late 80's. I remember seeing my Grandmother in the hospital after her car accident, she had suffered a mild stroke and had also bruised her brain during the accident. There was nothing the doctors could do, so after a while she died. I remember her looking desperately into my eyes and being completely terrified because she was unable to speak to me and I do not even know if she recognized me. Her eyes will haunt me to the end of my days I think. I don't think it would have been the same with my Great-Grandmother but she wouldn't have known me, and I like how I remember her now.

Everyone will die, and this fact is really hard to face. I was lucky enough to not die in my accident, though sometimes I think it was a curse or a tease. Since then I've managed to make a difference to some people by showing them that I care and by being a mentor. Since those days in City Year are over everything has been different for me, my shell probably got thicker and i think i have withdrawn more from my environment. Anything to deal with that pain, and the fear of death; in a way that I wouldn't bring anyone down with me. I guess not wanting to infect anyone with my pain has led me to not really open up to people. My own fears and pain aside, I think that I may be finally recovering, or coming out of my shell, and I can't wait to see what the world has in store for me. (probably a lot of failures and dissappointments, but the good times are what makes it all worth it)

This pain belongs to everyone, and all we can do is own it. (and not let it cripple us.)

I love you Mary Rothwell (Szavesson) and I miss you, and thanks.

Love,
Drook

obscene mosquito

obscene mosquito
obsequious to my blood
following thin trails of CO2
like veins of gold
through the quartz air

the rush has just begun
it is dusk 1809
and i am california.

i wear your delicate wound
on my leg like a lampshade
after you are dead
but your sister keeps following me
buzzing sweet nothings into my ear
and eating my lobes.

the golden itch bleeds
and my skin curses at me for letting it happen
as i scratch my ear over her corpse.

do you know what its like to look out your window and see only white?
that's it.
that is all i have experienced except for some strange feeling in my gutt

I think that I should convince people to give my roommate CONOR a lot of money (beaucoup de l'argent) (the rest of this message will be in french)

tout le monde est chaud. la planche a voille est chaud. ma soeur est tres petite et tres amusante. ta souer n'est pas petite, elle n'est pas chaude.

(actually, the rest of the entry will be in italian)

ciao.

Went back to S'scott this previous weekend with my friend lauren and here's a list of the top 22 things that happened.....

Drook and Lauren?s Top 22 Things That Happened During Their Awesome Weekend in Salem/Swampscott



1. Pat Benatar vs. tape player ......Pat Benetar won.
2. trying to count the illegal things about my car......and reaching 5
3. Doo rags at the gas station....Lauren thinks...."Who buys doo rags at a gas station" just as I yell "I need to get one of those doo rags"
4. A church on 129 Ask about our pray-as-you-go plan.
5. Meatland !
6. Manitee/butt (the worlds most accurate description of my dog.....a real sweetie)
7. Bitch cat taking a giant shit in Drook?s pants AND in the tub (pants I left at the house before school...and my sister said...nothing like that should ever come from a cat)
8. My mom stealing lauren's lipstick/going 'dancing'
9. Discovery channel tape/documentary on rocks
10. Reed never being home/rocking out in the car
11. Throwing rocks at the water tower/spaceship orb
12. 'Because she loves you.' (a sales clerk answered our question this way in salem....and it was something like why are you such an ass)
13. Beating the Simpsons
14. Fickle love meter (oh yeah salem willows)
15. Story of the kid taking a shit at the mini golf course...the biggest shit i have ever seen...i was 12 when it happened and could not contain my laughter
16. Drook?s stomach nasties...we all have our own dark secrets.......
17. Cement slide....how does that work?...ouch
18. 25N POO license plate
19. Elissa?s reaction to learning that lightning goes from the ground up: Fuck you!....she said she wanted to say it to her teacher so badly......she should have
20. "That was a good one." this utterance was uddered once every 5 minutes.....totally not on purpose the second day.
21. The poo weekend....whenever there was a lag in conversation....poo managed to come up in some way or another.....
22. 'Kevin'

haha
this is a great story:

I imed dan askin for my baby back, and specified not just the ribs, but then i called him a crusty oaf and he told me to go away. I agreed to his proposition under the condition of a bj, and it was agreed. Moments later we imdeparted and an away message was implemented on his case. about 20 minutes later i noticed it was gone......so i had to comment that said bj was the WORST bj EVER!!! as dan's version of a bj apparently is just "....". Then I asked what he was doin, and he told me a poem

?Life Without My Head?
by Dan Samiljan

I could live life without my head
Still walk and talk and not be dead.
Now this may catch some off-guard,
But I don?t think it would be so hard
Because I could just use yours instead.

so I decided to do a little poezmacizin of muh own. This is the updated version of a 2 minute poem, now in actuality a 3 minute poem.....

'Physics'
(by Drook)

understanding evil planes
could mean math is useless
and turning through the days ahead
while pondering aims and true intent
have notwithstanding ruby greens
etched within her silver screams
freeing her from coke and shame
the lion's head has found its name
and it calls
alice

can i have a bj now?

************
so the answer was no.

well anyways, just thought i'd share that, though i think i already told most uh y'all......

Here's an old one:

Requiem for a blinded light
(a plant in three parts)

A.
apples twisted like knots on the fingers of unruly debutantes developing in lunar rhythm an unknown node thinning buildings to blatant curved red. shaking the soliloquy of the secretary of state to see if she'll hand me one, gnarled and none other than a bumpy scarred scary looking treat? i bite it and spit it out. wax again on this lonely tuesday far too grey to be outside of either october or february (and the apples give that one away...)

B.
walking home this velvet night
leaves crunch mind turns

cooling off this shard of heart
cooling off this waste of thought
redefining what is thought
and what is not while
eyes crunch thighs turn

looking under ribs and lungs
i lingered lift with thundered tongues
of flame--i remember something burns

on this walk i found
this shard of star i thought was gone
in the ground
and i don't know where to put it (it fits)
it smiled at me like a knot
that bore a hole through pearly light
so I took it

gave it to the eels (from under rocks)
a song
and the stars

gave it to the grass
while hunting the bear

gave it to grendel knowing he liked pieces of things
and hoping he'd leave me my arm
he didn't.
damn.

C.
venus in phase
locked in the womb
listening to tunes

her beauty opens cans
closes broken windows
and is stored with old

instruments.
you know, to keep incidents from turning sour
the way apples prove gravity by accident.

kind of like that but with feathers.

this thing unfinished as i smell the cider rot
lying on a bench in the dark
orchard hill my ass
looking up to study the sky
and feeling the pull of a thousand patterns that don't know or care that I
or they exist.

except maybe that one.

nah.

-Drook
*******************************************************************

So I guess it isn't actualy finished because there were a few things i didn't like as much as i once did.....maybe i will leave it alone though i think it might balance out the good parts. whatev

eh i'm dry for writin, even though i saw an awesome concert (Pink, candy ass) went to maine (saco/biddeford/portland) and am going to see matt sharp tomorrow.....

one would think i would have more to say.....but do I?